Subway Royal Rumble Review

By Kevin Schroeder
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Updated: August 2, 2017

[Note: These are obviously not the real wrestlers. Fortunately, this video comes at a time when everyone has realized what a moron Vince Russo is and thus, is keeping him away from their companies. Otherwise, you can bet your bottom dollar that that jabroni would have actually booked this for TV. For the sake of simplicity, I’m just going to use the character names. Yes, this is a serious review. I’ve reviewed far more ridiculous stuff than this. Again, Vince Russo used to write wrestling.]

Kane won the Subway Royal Rumble to win the World Title

Hulk Hogan and the Rock started the match. Hogan landed a few punches before Rock answered with a few of his own. Steve Austin entered and ran wild, hitting both Hogan and Rock with stunners. The Big Show entered and nailed Austin and Hogan with headbutts. Big Show then turned his attention to The Rock, shoving him into the door and landing a thunderous chop. Hogan and Austin tried teaming up against Big Show, but Show countered and chopped Hogan. Austin got in a couple shots, however, then he and Rock teamed up to eliminate Big Show as The Undertaker entered. Taker ran wild on everyone until Shawn Michaels entered. Michaels was more interested in showboating than wrestling, however, and immediately ate a stunner as a result. Everyone teamed up on Austin as Booker T entered. HBK got tossed. Austin did as well, though the camera missed the shot. Kane entered and ran wild, chokeslamming everyone, including the referee, in a particularly dangerous spot, where the ref’s head hit the rail in the car and then Kane dropped him, resulting in a really nasty-looking and sounding landing on the floor right on his tailbone. Taker and Kane traded blows. Taker went for a chokeslam of his own, but Booker T and The Rock took out the brothers. The five remaining men brawled. Kane hit a really nasty Tombstone Piledriver on Booker T. When you hit the Tombstone, the key is to have your opponent’s head just above your knees, so their head doesn’t actually hit the mat, but looks like it does. Kane did not get that memo. He straight-up spiked Booker T. Fortunately, Booker was okay. Kane eliminated Booker at the next stop. Taker tossed out Rock in the process. Kane looked to have stepped out of the car himself, but that’s either not an elimination if you leave yourself, or someone just missed it, or the ref just didn’t want to give Kane a hard time after Kane nearly put him in a wheelchair earlier. At the next stop, Taker was set to chokeslam Hogan out, when Kane pushed them both out for the win.

Battles royale (yes, that’s the proper pluralization) are hard to work for trained professionals, and these guys are…not that, so it was actually impressive how well this was put together. I’ve seen worse from companies on TV, such as, I don’t know, TNA’s Reverse Battle Royal. Bet you can’t guess who booked that. (The original draft said “legitimate companies” instead of “companies on TV,” but I had to change it, because TNA/GFW/Whatever the company is called this week is decidedly not legitimate. Actually, they’re barely on TV, too, but technically, Pop counts. I digress.) Anyway, aside from the couple really dangerous spots, this was actually not terrible. It’s far from a Match of the Year candidate, but I’ve seen worse matches that actually made it to TV. ★½

Apparently, this guy’s done a few of these matches. You can find them on his YouTube channel here.

Twitter: @KSchroeder_312

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com