WWE Payback 2015 Review

Sheamus defated Dolph Ziggler

In the shocker of the century, this was a slow match. Seriously, Sheamus is human Nyquil. I have no idea why this company insists on continuing to waste one of the best, most exciting wrestlers on the roster on matches with this clown. The walking cure for insomnia got the heat on Dolph, working his knee. Eventually Dolph made a comeback and shoved his butt into Sheamus’ face. Then the match went back-and-forth. Dolph headbutted Sheamus and was busted open as a result. The finish came when Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick on Dolph, who had been unable to make it to his feet. ★★½

The New Day (Big E and Kofi Kingston) defeated Cesaro and Tyson Kidd in a 2 out of 3 Falls Match

Kidd and Cesaro took the first fall when Cesaro swung Kofi & Kidd dropkicked him. Xavier Woods then attempted to invoke the Freebird Rule and enter match for the second fall, but the referee said no. Cesaro was speared off the apron by Big E, so Kidd faced essentially a 2-on-1 during the second fall. Kidd gave a good effort, but the New Day took the second fall when Kofi dove onto Kidd following Big Ending from Big E. Cesaro came in and hit a bunch of uppercuts and we saw a few near-falls by Kidd and Cesaro. Kidd got Kofi in the sharpshooter, and then with the ref distracted, Xavier entered the ring, then pinned Cesaro with a roll-up. The ref didn’t notice it was Xavier, and not Kofi. Between the Freebirds reference and the lowkey racist (not to be confused with Low-Ki), Michael Hayes had to have been the agent for this one. I dropped half a star from this match’s rating because I hated the finish. ★★★½

Bray Wyatt defeated Ryback

This was a back-and-forth match. It was slow, but for this match, it worked. Both men hit diving spots; Bray off the apron and Ryback off the top rope. The turnbuckle became exposed, Ryback hit turnbuckle, Bray hit Sister Abigail, and won. ★★★½

As though there was ever any doubt as to what would happen, John Cena defeated Rusev in an “I Quit” Match to retain the WWE United States Championship.

Rusev said “I quit” during a promo to start the match, so technically the match should have ended then, and as much as I like Rusev, I would have been thrilled if it had, since what they went on to do was awful. The match was so bad, I left to go match a sandwich. When I got back, this thing was still going on. Stairs were brought in at some point. Rusev hit a Black Hole Slam onto the stairs and Cena hit an AA onto them. Cena threw the stairs, which he does so often, that at this point, it has to be considered his sixth move, and missed Rusev. The two brawled on the outside. They made their way to the top of the ramp, where Rusev traced a cord from the pyrotechnics area to the button that makes the pyro go off. He attempted to put Cena onto the pyro area, but Cena hit an AA onto them instead. We just established that it was a button that makes the pyro go off, but they went off here. Rusev rolled away without a scratch. The spot looked cool, but as soon as any sort of logic was applied, it was just stupid. The match made its way back to the ring, where Rusev caught Cena in the Accolade. After Cena failed to break the hold, he passed out and Rusev thought he had won. Rusev poured water on Cena and woke him up and unscrewed the top rope. He went for another Accolade with the rope, but Cena caught him and put him in the STF with the rope across his face. Rusev started screaming in Bulgarian (or Russian, the announcers weren’t sure), then Lana came in and said “he quits,” so Cena won. What Rusev was saying translated to “I give up,” but still, the only point in the “I Quit” match where the words “I quit” were spoken was in a promo by Rusev to start the match. The announcers weren’t sure what happened, so that was great. If you have to explain the finish to a match, the finish sucked. At least my sandwich was good. -★★★★ for the match, ★★★ for the sandwich.

Naomi and Tamina Snuka defeated the Bella Twins

Naomi got the heat on Brie, then Tamina tagged in and got the heat on Brie. Nikki tagged in and it was back-and-forth. Tamina drove Brie into the barricade. Nikki was climbing to the top rope, but turned around to check on Brie, at which point Naomi threw Nikki off top and pinned her. I should’ve gone and made another sandwich. -★

Neville defeated King Wade Bad News P. Poppa Poppa Poppa Diddy Pop (whatever he’s calling himself these days) Barrett by countout

Neville did some cool stuff to start, then Barrett got the heat on him. Neville dodged Barrett’s attacks and went for the Red Arrow, but Barrett rolled out of the ring. Neville dove out of ring onto Barrett. Both struggled to beat the count, but at the end, Barrett decided not to go back in ring, so Neville won by countout. It was an okay match, but I’m tired of seeing it. ★★★

Seth Rollins defeated Randy Orton, Dean Ambrose, and Roman Reigns to retain the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

The faces attacked Rollins, so J&J security came to his rescue. Kane left no question about where his allegiance lied and helped Rollins as well. The match went outside the ring, where the former Shield members powerbombed Orton through English table. Ambrose and Reigns put Kane onto Rollins and through Spanish table. It took two tries, so you’ll be sure to see this on the next Botchamania. To the credit of Ambrose and Reigns, they rolled with it, and after the first, failed, attempt, when the crowd chanted “one more time,” were more than happy to oblige. It came down to Ambrose and Reigns. Reigns speared Ambrose, but Rollins came in and broke up the pin. Rollins then ran away and J&J tried to stop Reigns from going after him. Ambrose hit Dirty Deeds on Rollins, but Kane broke up pin and took out Ambrose. Orton made a comeback and went for the RKO, but Rollins countered and Orton RKO’d Kane. Rollins then hit Orton with the Pedigree and won. ★★★★

Overall:

Most of the matches were solid, but the show didn’t advance any storylines all that much. ★★¾

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