Michigan Students Suggest New Song For The University, Are Stupid

By Kevin Schroeder
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Updated: February 23, 2015

About a week and a half ago, a group of Michigan students brought an idea to Michigan Central Student Government asking for money to fund a new song for the school. At the time, the song was though of as a fight song, and everyone was outraged, and rightfully so. After all, Michigan already has the greatest fight song ever written.

If that weren’t enough, Michigan also has the 2nd-greatest fight song ever written.

So the idea of writing a song to replace either of those masterpieces is completely and utterly brainless. After being ridiculed by people thinking that was the group’s intention, the group clarified their objective, stating they intend for “Hail and Unite” to be a pump-up song.

That doesn’t mean this isn’t still a bad idea. Here is the group behind the project. Look over that list for a minute. look at what everyone’s title are. See anyone responsible for actually writing the song? No? Me neither. That’s because they don’t have anyone doing that. See, they need the money for the project first, because rather than go to the Michigan Marching Band, or students in the music school, or former Michigan football player and current recording artist Jack Kennedy, they want to spend a bunch of money bringing in people like David Banner and Eminem. No, seriously.

Here’s the group’s vision statement. Looks like their top priority is bringing in big names, and then maybe, if they feel like it, working with the band and/or music school.

Now, I’m not entirely opposed to the idea of a pump-up/spirit song, if it’s something like Ministry’s “Keys to the City” is about the Blackhawks. But a David Banner-produced monstrosity featuring a bunch of Grammy winners is a terrible, horrible, god-awful idea. I like Eminem, too, but seriously, guys, was that the only guy from Michigan you could think of? And as far as I can tell, Eminem’s only association with the school was that interview during halftime of the second night game between Michigan and Notre Dame.

If you’re looking for big names for a pump-up song about Michigan, how do you not start with this guy:

For those that don’t know, that’s Andrew WK. A man synonymous with energy and partying, who grew up in the house Bob Ufer used to live in, who took piano lessons at the university as a child, and whose father is a law professor at the school.

Or how about Iggy Pop, who actually attended the school for a while? If you needed another drummer in on the project, how about Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer, and Michigan fan, Chad Smith?

Regardless of who you want involved in the project, though, start by writing the song, or at least having some idea of what it will sound like before you start crowdfunding and asking for endorsements.

Although, really guys, if your goal was to unite people, job well done. Pretty much everyone thinks you suck.

Twitter: @KSchroeder2325

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com

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