What’s Going On Is A Broken Record

By Kevin Schroeder
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Updated: March 1, 2016

Jim Harbaugh and Donald Trump have a ton in common. Like, uh… hang on… gimme a minute, I got this… oh, okay, I know…

They both care a lot about winning
They both have signature hats
They have both appeared on Monday Night Raw

Does anyone think an actual column can be based on any of that? Me neither. But that didn’t stop our buddy Teddy Greenstein from spending half a page of a major newspaper comparing apples and horseshoes. Like, horseshoes aren’t even edible, dude. I mean, you can throw both things (preferably at Teddy), but that’s where the comparisons end.

“ESPN’s Paul Finebaum dubbed Harbaugh “the Donald Trump of college football” earlier this month. The southern-fried talk-show host said: “It chaps me to no end when coach after coach reacts to Harbaugh. The rest of the country is supposed to be reacting to the SEC, not the other way around.”

OK, but how do you ignore Harbaugh’s decision to take his team to SEC country — Bradenton, Fla. — for four practices over spring break, starting Monday?”

Teddy, you idiot. You complete and utter idiot. Finebaum’s whole point was that SEC coaches should just ignore Harbaugh’s plan to take his team to Florida. Of course, what Finebaum said was idiotic, too, but that’s a different story.

“And how do you ignore Trump’s plan for the South, billing Mexico to build a wall between the countries?”

This is just irresponsible journalism. The similarity of those two things begins and ends at “they’re controversial.” Harbaugh’s spring break trip is controversial because SEC and ACC coaches don’t want him in “their” territory appealing to “their” recruits. Trump’s plan is controversial because it’s idiotic and he promotes it in just about the most racist way possible.

“SEC Commissioner Greg Sankey came out against it (what a shock), arguing in a CBSSports.com column that it’s not “appropriate” to rob students of their spring break.”

So no more basketball tournaments or bowl games over the winter holidays, right? Seriously, what Harbaugh’s doing is nothing new. And if we’re going to play the “Think of the children” card, I’d like to know how many of these kids wouldn’t have been able to afford a spring break trip in the first place. This way, they get one for free, with the only conditions being that while they’re there, they knock out a few practices (doing so means they won’t have to worry about football while studying for finals, by the way) and can’t act like buffoons. The argument against this is that spending a week in a drunken stupor is an important part of the college experience. Only an idiot would attempt to make that argument. So, of course, Pat Narduzzi attempted to make that argument.

“NCAA President Mark Emmert voiced his opposition to Camp Harbaugh, telling a South Carolina newspaper that creating mandatory football practices during spring break runs counter to some efforts to “dial back the demands on student-athletes.””

THEY ARE NOT ADDING TIME. THEY ARE REARRANGING IT. WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THIS FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND? DO THEY NOT TEACH MATH AT NORTHWESTERN?

I know it wasn’t Greenstein making the point, but if you read that sentence from Mark Emmert and your reaction is anything other than “This guy’s an idiot,” you’re an idiot. If you normally work Monday through Friday at a job, but work a Saturday to get a Monday off, you didn’t work any more days. You traded one day off for a different day off. That is what Michigan’s doing. They are trading days off now for days off later. And, again, the days off later will mean the players aren’t worrying about football when they’re studying for finals. Still too complicated? Okay, let me try again. Let’s say you have $5,000 in your left hand and $5,000 in your right hand. You take $2,000 from your left hand and put it in your right hand. You still have the same amount of money. Then, if you’re a booster for an SEC school, you give it all to a recruit to entice him to come to your school. GONNA DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT ANYTIME SOON, GREG?

“Trump and Harbaugh dominate the news cycle like no others in their line of work.”

Okay, this is technically true; Harbaugh and Trump certainly both have big personalities. But the reasons for which they attract attention are miles apart: Harbaugh is eccentric, Trump spews racist nonsense.

“Trump crowed that he could “stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and (not) lose any voters,” and Harbaugh could dump a dozen verbally committed recruits and still find countless flunkies to defend him.”

AND WE’RE BACK TO THIS. Michael Spath already stuffed Teddy into a locker on this topic. That Teddy keeps attempting to use that as ammo against Harbaugh is moronic. Look, if you want to criticize Harbaugh for not being more explicit with recruits that no longer hold committable offers, that’s fine. I would agree that he should be. But to continue to act like he’s just ditching these kids long after people pointed out that that wasn’t what was going on is idiotic and dishonest.