The Final Deletion Goes Big While Also Going Home

credit: impactwrestling.com

 

“Go big or go home” is cliche- but the Hardys and Impact wrestling managed to do both, filming “The Final Deletion” from the Hardys literal backyard in Cameron, North Carolina.

Tuesday night saw the supposed culmination of the Jeff/Matt Hardy feud on Impact Wrestling on POP television. I say supposed, because wrestling loves to beat a dead horse- especially Total Nonstop Action Wrestling.

I’ve spent the better part of the aftermath of “The Final Deletion” trying to classify what exactly I watched. Of course you could simply say “wrestling”, but it’s so much more than that. It’s wrestling. Theater. Unintentional comedy. Intentional comedy. Creative. Stupid. Mindless. Reckless. Endearing. Entertaining.

Most of all, it’s a car wreck you can’t look away from because of how out there it was. And whether or not that was the original plan, Dixie Carter and company got eyes on their product- if only for one night. I’m not sure how far out TNA and the Hardys mapped this program out, but they went all the way with it. I can only admire the unabashed campy-ness of it and the ability of Matt Hardy to evolve himself into such a twisted mess of accidental brilliance.

I could continue to try and paint the picture of the encounter, but I’ll instead go step by step into this beautiful culmination of an actual blood feud.

[After the jump, Sean breaks down the video and Kevin reviews the match]

:00-2:00- The video opens to “where it all began”, the Hardys’ home- more specifically the structure housing their

wrestling ring. You’ll come to find out drone shots are a huge component of “The Final Deletion”, which only adds to its epic feel. Everything about this scene is imperfectly perfect. The over-the-top “hola” to Senor Benjamin followed by the compliment about the garden’s “magnificent” feeding into the obvious stereotypes are so Broken Matt Hardy.

Senor Benjamin’s gift is an “extraordinary” xylophone. Perfect. When asked what Matt got Maxel, I almost expected Hardy to get up and say “The gift of me as his father. Drink it innnnn,” while raising his arms with his eyes closed.

 

2:01-4:46- Fact: It takes Jeff Hardy three days to finish his lawn.

Whoever produced the music for this entire thing should win an Oscar. Or Emmy. Or Nobel peace prize.

While Matt has evolved multiple times over the years, Jeff Hardy’s acting is still entry level- if that.

Mind games with mini-drones being smashed with a guitar? Yes, please.

Broken Matt Hardy being projected as a terribly fake but awesome hologram complete with a creepy, high-pitched robotic voice is second to the the Tupac hologram.

Take a shot every time Matt says “The Final Deletion”, “Brother Nero”, or “delete”. Make sure to write a will before doing so.

“Your beloved yard is about to be…broken.” Two rules when it comes to Jeff: don’t touch his guitar, and don’t mess up his artsy yard that takes him three days to mow.

 

4:47-6:00- The potential award-winning music producer has done it again the a poor man’s Daddy Yankee type song backing the visual of Senor Benjamin “preparing the battlefield for massacre”.

 

6:00-7:53- It wouldn’t be “The Final Deletion” without a camera inside the referee’s car. And that ref would drive a Rav 4.

This is where The Following meets wrestling.

“Are you a licensed official?” So if he had said no, you call a new one and wait awkwardly until then?

I wish I loved anything as much as Matt loves saying any version of the word “delete”.

A violin gifted to him prior to the match? Of course. But Matt loses points for not having a tiny one ready to lay on Jeff Hardy’s prone body at the end of the match.

Spoiler alert: this match ends in a no contest when neighbors complain about the Hardys violating the noise ordinance.

 

7:53-16:41– Plot twist: the Hardys keep the match inside the ring and have the best technical match of all time.

The first notable spot is a smashing of Matt through what looks like a dressing screen combined with fast food cupholders that sounds like a million pine cones. Not sure the intention, but it fell flat in execution.

After back and forth with kendo stick and a ladder, Jeff sets up for a massive Swanton that has almost one hundred percent risk and zero percent reward.

::crunches the numbers::

Yep, math checks out. 0 percent reward. After hitting his shoulder and not his neck (thank God), Jeff…goes for the pin? After rewinding, it’s clearly evident Matt moves and sustains no damage- thus making Jeff covering him very out of place.

Not going to lie- these aerial shots are pretty dope at night and the fireworks were a nice touch. Music producer fails here by not using a fake Katy Perry “Fireworks” rendition here.

Jeff finds a new wardrobe that’s surprisingly dry following his fall into the murky waters. Willow still sucks.

 

16:42– Daylight? When did this match start? 5 a.m.?

And…we have fire. Captain Planet would be proud of the elements in this match.

Matt pulls out the win. He needs to rename the Twist of Fate “Ctrl+Alt+DELETE”.

 

Where do they go from here? Who knows- but “The Final Deletion” was the tacky, hilarious spectacle it was designed to be. Some enjoy wrestling in its purest form- mat classics that tell stories and impress with elite athleticism. The Hardys’ descent into madness relied mainly on storytelling and big spots with filler in between. Filler isn’t always bad, because it helps pacing. Not everyone will watch this the same way, and that’s the beauty in it. People who don;t even watch wrestling and don’t know the Hardys could easily enjoy it.

The biggest reason I view “The Final Deletion” as a success is because it embraced its goofiness and amplified it to eleven. At this stage of the game, the Hardys aren’t elite wrestlers, but they are versed in the realm of sports entertainment and provided an alternative for fans and television viewers.

Whether you like Impact Wrestling (or wrestling at all for that matter) or hate it, the key word is entertainment.

 

Kevin:

 

Matt Hardy defeated Jeff Hardy

I have no idea what to say about this. This whole angle sucks. The video they shot to promote the Full Metal Mayhem match at Slammiversary was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. Bryan Alvarez looked at it like it’s Matt Hardy (the character) playing a supervillain character and this is what Matt’s character thinks a supervillain is supposed to act like, i.e. this is intentionally bad. That’s certainly a fair way to look at it, but the problem is, if that is what it’s supposed to be (I’m thinking it is, but it’s hard to tell with anything this idiotic company does), then it’s bad comedy to promote a hardcore match in a feud between brothers. That’s moronic even by TNA’s already low standards. Then they do this match, which is a bunch of idiotic bullcrap in Matt’s backyard that’s so poorly lit you can’t even see a bunch of it, which is probably for the best. Any self-respecting company would have put the kibosh on this nonsense and then had these two dopes drug tested to see what they were on when they came up with it. Not TNA! This angle makes a mockery of wrestling. When they lose their next TV deal, it’s because of crap like this. Delete this company. –Every star in the universe and all the ones that have ever existed or will exist

Twitter: @SeanNeutron (Sean), @KSchroeder_312 (Kevin)

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com (Kevin)

 

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