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WWE Extreme Rules 2016 Review
- Updated: May 23, 2016
The views expressed are solely those of the author and not necessarily those of Good if it Goes, Qwantity Media, or DeQwan Young.
The Club (Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson) defeated The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso) in a Tornado Tag Match
The Usos got the upper hand early because this is WWE and it would make way too much sense for two large men to simply beat the bejesus out of two smaller men. Nope, gotta make sure the two doofuses in face paint look good. After all, they’re related to the top babyface in the company, and by the way, it’s no big deal that he gets booed out of every building he’s in. That just means people are passionate about him. JBL said so. So, you know what, guys, don’t make any noise at all when Reigns comes out anymore. They can mute crowd mics, but they can’t pump in noise on Raw. Let’s see what their excuse is then. Anyway, Gallows and Anderson finally turned the tide and got the heat on The Usos. The Usos made a comeback that included one of the Usos hitting a Samoan drop on Gallows because it would have made way too much sense to sell him as being strong and hard to move. Nope, just hit the Samoan drop like it’s no big deal. The match went back and forth on the outside. Gallows threw one of the Usos over the barricade.
Finish: Gallows got the ring bell and went to hit Jimmy Uso with it, so I guess Jey was the one he tossed over the barricade. Can you tell I couldn’t care less about those two jabronis? Jimmy superkicked Gallows and went for a splash, but Gallows moved and Jimmy landed on the bell. Gallows and Anderson then hit the Magic Killer and won.
★★½
Rusev (w/Lana) defeated Kalisto to win the WWE United States Championship
The match went back-and-forth early as Rusev attempted to catch the agile Kalisto. See, this made sense. That’s how smaller guys should counter bigger guys. Come on, guys, this is day one stuff. Rusev was able to take control and get the heat on Kalisto. Rusev worked Kalisto’s injured midsection. The crowd chanted “Let’s go Rusev / Rusev sucks” and “CM Punk.” Kalisto countered a Rusev hold and caught him in a sleeper. Rusev broke the hold. Kalisto made a comeback. Kalisto hit a huricanrana for a near fall, another one on the outside to drive Rusev into the steps, then a splash for a near fall. Kalisto went for a Salida Del Sol, but Rusev pushed him away and left the ring. Kalisto hit a moonsault to the outside.
Finish: Kalisto went to the top rope and Rusev dumped him on the apron. The doctor checked on Kalisto. After getting by the ref to get to Kalisto, Rusev locked in the Accolade and Kalisto tapped out.
What they did made sense, but it was sort of a sloppy match and they repeated a few spots.
★¾
The New Day (Big E and Xavier Woods w/Kofi Kingston) defeated The Vaudevillains (Simon Gotch and Aiden English) to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship
Kofi carried the magical Booty-O from WrestleMania. Byron asked what it was, further proving that the commentators and/or whoever feeds them their lines doesn’t even follow their own product. Xavier got out to a good start, then Gotch turned the tables and the Vaudevillains got the heat on Xavier. Xavier hit an enziguiri on Gotch and tagged in Big E, while Gotch tagged in English. Big E took control, then English turned the tables and got the heat on Big E. Big E made a comeback and got English up for the Big Ending and tagged in Xavier. Gotch broke this up and knocked both Big E and Woods to the ground. Gotch threw Big E into the steps, then the Vaudevillains turned their attention to Xavier. The pair hit their finishers, but Xavier kicked out.
Finsh: English went to suplex Xavier from the apron to the floor, but Xavier hit him with a knee. Big E speared English to the floor. With the ref distracted by the flying unicorn, Kofi hit Trouble in Paradise on Gotch then Xavier hit a Shining Wizard on Gotch and pinned him.
The babyfaces won by cheating. Then again, the New Day still aren’t your average faces. Still, I wish they had had the Vaudevillains play a little dirtier than they did. Otherwise, it was a solid match.
★★¾
The Miz defeated Cesaro, Sami Zayn, and Kevin Owens in a Fatal Four-Way Match to retain the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Zayn hit Owens with a Heluva Kick right after the bell, then Cesaro took out Miz with an uppercut, leaving Zayn and Cesaro in the ring. The two went back-and-forth until Miz made it back into the ring. After Miz took out Cesaro and Zayn took out Miz, Zayn dove out of the ring onto the pair. Back in the ring, Zayn paused as Miz begged for mercy, then Miz drove Zayn into the bottom turnbuckle. Owens made it back into the ring and cleaned house. Owens got the heat on Zayn. Zayn attempted a comeback, but was cut off. Miz and Zayn both tried to superplex Owens, then set up to do so together, then Cesaro came back in the ring and dumped them all. Come on, you thought they weren’t going to do that spot? Afterward, all four men tried to gain the upper hand. Cesaro ran wild with uppercuts. Cesaro went to swing Miz, but Owens cut Cesaro off with a German suplex. Owens went for a Pop-up Powerbomb on Zayn, but Zayn countered and hit a double underhook belly to back suplex on Owens, then Cesaro hit a big uppercut on Zayn. Miz hit the Skullcrushing Finale on Cesaro, but Cesaro kicked out. Cesaro made a comeback and ran wild on Miz, including the Giant Swing. Cesaro locked in the Sharpshooter on Miz, who ended up dragging Maryse into the ring. Miz ended up tapping out, but the referee didn’t see it because he was distracted by Maryse. Cesaro, thinking he had won, broke the hold. After a coule attempts by Owens to win, Cesaro hit the Neutralizer, but Zayn broke up the fall. Zayn counted a Cesaro move into a pin attempt, but Cesaro kicked out at 2. Zayn set Cesaro up for the Heluva Kick, but Owens cut him off with a superkick, who hit Cesaro with a Pop-up Powerbomb. Miz broke up the pin, though. Owens argued with Maryse outside the ring, then Miz hit Owens with the Skullcrushing Finale. Miz tried to pin Cesaro, still down from the Powerbomb, but Cesaro kicked out.
Finish: After Cesaro and Miz got up, Cesaro dumped Miz out of the ring. Zayn hit a Heluva Kick on Cesaro, but Owens broke up the pin. Zayn went after Owens, while Miz pinned Cesaro and won.
This match consisted of three of the best wrestlers in the world and a guy who would have a to borrow a dump truck full of talent to have no talent. A man who I am convinced has photos of some higher-up in WWE cheating on his significant other because that is the only possible explanation for this jabroni to have a job in this company. And that was who won. This was a great match, but still, screw this company.
★★★★
Dean Ambrose defeated Chris Jericho in an Asylum Match
These two guys are feuding over a talk show. No, I’m not kidding. Like, it’s far from the stupidest basis for a feud, but it’s still pretty stupid. Ambrose took control early. Jericho looked to escape. Of course, you can’t win by escape in this match. Ambrose climbed to the top looking to grab a mop. Again, no, I’m not kidding. Jericho cut him off and went for the mop. Ambrose got up, got the mop, and used on Jericho. Jericho made a comeback and went for a barbed wire-covered 2×4, but Ambrose cut him off. Jericho went back up and got the 2×4, while Ambrose got nunchucks. Ambrose and the nunchucks got the upper hand. Jericho tried to escape again. Ambrose pulled him back and Jericho grabbed a kendo stick and got the heat on Ambrose. Jericho got a leather strap. JBL talked about the strap match between Steve Austin and Savio Vega where the lights went out. Byron didn’t know JBL was referring to the actual lights in the arena. Not a good night for Byron. At this point, I should point out that this company employs Mauro Ranallo and the other two of the three best wrestling commentators in the world (Jim Ross and Kevin Kelly) both used to work for WWF/E. And this is who does commentary now. Anyway, Ambrose made a comeback and got a fire extinguisher. Jericho got a straightjacket threw it in Ambrose’s face, and hit an enziguiri for a near-fall. Jericho got the heat on Ambrose and tried to put the straightjacket on him, but Ambrose fought out and then ran wild on Jericho. Ambrose hit a clothesline for a near-fall. Jericho then fought back and the match went back-and-forth for a bit. Ambrose got Jericho down, then went to the top of the cage and hit an elbow on Jericho. Jericho kicked out at 2. Ambrose got a bucket down. The bucket had a bag of thumbtacks in it. Jericho tried to run away. Ambrose grabbed Jericho and tried to drop him on the tacks, but Jericho countered every attempt to do so. The two went back-and-forth trying to gain the upper hand. Jericho locked in the Walls on Jericho, but Ambrose was able to reach the kendo stick and force Jericho to break the hold. Ambrose went to the top with the kendo stick, but Jericho sprayed the fire extinguisher in his face, then hit a Codebreaker. Ambrose kicked out at 2. Jericho hit Ambrose with the 2×4.
Finish: Jericho went for another Codebreaker, but Ambrose caught him and dropped into the tacks. Ambrose hit Dirty Deeds into the tacks and won.
This was a bit of a mess and the crowd was dead for a lot of it. I really hope this is the end of the feud.
★¾
Charlotte defeated Natalya in a submission match to retain the WWE Women’s Championship
Charlotte got the heat on Nattie. Nattie attempted a couple comebacks, but they were but cut off. Charlotte went for the Figure Eight, but Nattie countered into an armbar. JBL called Nattie Natalya Hart, but Nattie is, of course, the daughter of Jim Neidhart. Charlotte broke the hold with a powerbomb and then went for a submission of her own, but Nattie got to the ropes. Charlotte got the heat on Nattie some more. Charlotte got Nattie in a half-crab, but Nattie broke free and hit a German suplex. Nattie locked in the Sharpshooter, but Charlotte got to the ropes. However, Nattie pulled Charlotte away from the ropes.
Finish: Flair’s music hit, but it was Dana Brooke in a Flair robe. Dana distracted Nattie, allowing Charlotte to lock in the Figure Eight and force Natalya to submit.
Everything about this sucked. The finish sucked, Dana Brooke really sucks, and the match wasn’t very good in the first place. None of this was Natalya’s fault. She really deserves better than this.
-★¼
Roman Reigns defeated AJ Styles in an Extreme Rules Match to retain the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Reigns got booed so loud they had to turn down the crowd mics. This is a regular occurrence and the guy is being pushed as the top babyface. Reigns took control early, answering AJ’s every move. Reigns got the “You can’t wrestle” chant directed at him. Alwayd something you hope to have happen to your top babyface. The crowd chanted “Roman sucks” to the cadence of “New Day rocks.” Reigns tried to hit AJ with a chair, but AJ moved. AJ finally got the upper hand on the outside. Reigns and AJ brawled through the crowd. AJ hit the Phenomenal Forearm off the table used for the kickoff show. The three stooges didn’t notice right away. Back toward the ring, AJ and Reigns fought for control of the match. Reigns back body dropped AJ through the English announce table, which didn’t collapse totally cleanly, so that probably sucked for AJ. The crowd chanted “You still suck.” Reigns pulled AJ into the ring and covered him, but AJ kicked out at 2. Reigns hit a move that looked like the Razor’s Edge into a sitout powerbomb for a near-fall. The crowd chanted “You still suck.” Reigns went for a Superman punch, but AJ countered and Reigns hurt his knee. AJ took control of the match. AJ jumped off the apron at Reigns, but Reigns caught him, drove him into the video board on the ring, then the barricade, then Reigns picked him up and powerbombed him through the Spanish announce table, which didn’t break cleanly, either, this time even less cleanly, actually, so that, too, had to suck. Reigns went for a spear, but AJ moved and Reigns put himself through the barricade. The crowd did the dueling “AJ Styles / Roman Reigns” chant, but it was most of the crowd chanting for Styles and then like three people for Reigns. AJ went for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Reigns blocked it and AJ fell hard. Reigns hit AJ with a spear outside the ring. Gallows and Anderson came out and took down Reigns then threw AJ on top of him, but Reigns kicked out at 2. The Usos came out and ran wild on everyone. They hit a splash on AJ, then Reigns covered AJ, but AJ kicked out at 2. AJ made a comeback and hit the Styles Clash, but Reigns kicked out at 2. AJ went for a Styles Clash onto a chair, but Reigns countered and back body dropped AJ onto the chair. Reigns went for the Superman punch, but AJ countered with a Pele kick, then hit the Styles Clash on the chair, but one of the Usos kept AJ from pinning Reigns right away and when he did cover Reigns, Reigns kicked out at 2. AJ ran wild with a chair.
Finish: AJ went for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Reigns hit a spear and won. Gotta make Reigns look strong.
After the match, Seth Rollins came out and hit a Pedigree on Reigns. The crowd chanted “Thank you, Seth.” Again, Reigns is supposed to be the company’s top babyface.
I said on Twitter that if they made AJ look stupid again, I was giving this minus five stars regardless of the rest of the match and they made AJ look stupid again. Look, the match wasn’t good, but it wasn’t minus five stars bad. This rating is about all of this nonsense. When AJ first debuted, the camera was on Reigns’ stupid face looking, well, stupid. Then at Fastlane, they nerfed the Styles Clash, which was sold as a devastating move in Japan. Then at WrestleMania, they jobbed him out to a guy that put over freaking Fandango at WrestleMania. Then at Payback, they made him look like a weak idiot. Then at Extreme Rules, they did the same thing. This is a guy who they’re paying a half-million dollars a year to and all they’ve done is feed him to a guy in his mid-forties and a babyface who gets booed out of every building he sets foot in. They’ve learned nothing from the past decade of Super Cena, which resulted in a real lack of top guys. Then Vince wonders why the ratings suck. Vince, the answer to that question can be found in any mirror.
-★★★★★
Overall: The only things worth watching on this show are the New Day promo and the Fatal Four-way up until the finish. Most of the rest of the matches were okay, but just okay, and of little to no consequence. -★★½
Twitter: @KSchroeder_312
E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com