WWE Summerslam 2016 Review

By Kevin Schroeder
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Updated: August 22, 2016

It’s me again for the reviews of this weekend’s shows. I’m not going super in-depth for this one because Summerslam was a four-hour show that felt like a four-day show. The NXT show’s review will be up early in the week. Expect it to follow a similar format.

Jeri-KO defeated Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady

Enzo and Cass cut a promo putting over New York. Enzo, of course, is from New Jersey, but Enzo could cut a promo about grass growing and it would probably still be pretty good, so whatever. Corey kept getting over about how it’s two great Canadians teaming together, this time using a hypothetical pairing that makes sense, Gretzky and Howe, as opposed to one that actually happened as he did on Raw with Crosby and Lemieux. Progress. He’s still doing a bad impersonation of bad JBL. Anyway, one would think to maybe explore the Canada concept for a team instead of an awkward portmanteau of the two guys’ names, but it’s WWE, so awkward portmanteaus for everybody. The match was fine, but please find something better to do with Kevin Owens. ★★★¼

Charlotte defeated Sasha Banks to win the WWE Women’s Championship

Everything about this was awkward. They didn’t seem to be on the same page a couple times and there were a couple botches. Apparently, Sasha’s a bit banged up and due for some time off, so that’s why they switched the belt. -★

The Miz defeated Apollo Crews to retain the WWE Intercontinental Championship

Apollo Crews has the look Vince looks for. He’s a very good worker. If the only thing holding him back is a lack of charisma or mic skill, then get him a manager. There is no reason he should be jobbing to the freaking Miz. The match was about as good as what you’d expect from the Miz. ★½

AJ Styles defeated John Cena

My one and only issue with this match is where on the card they put it. If you are going to have a match where you tell the guys to do pretty much everything, don’t put that match in hour two of a four-hour show. The match itself was excellent. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who was primarily responsible for that, but Cena held his own and did his part as well. He’s got great matches in him if you put him with the right guy. AJ won clean and after the match, Cena left his “never give up” sweatband in the ring, so maybe he gives up. Let’s hope that’s the case because otherwise, it’s a good bet he’s going to get at least one win back against AJ. ★★★★★

The Club (Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows) defeated The New Day (Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston) by disqualification in a match for the WWE Tag Team Championship

Jon Stewart came out as a member of the New Day since Big E was on the shelf with a case of ringpostitis. After a pretty good match, Jon Stewart got in the ring to interfere on his teammate’s behalf. The Club was going to drive him into the post when Big E came down to make the save, causing a DQ in the process. This ridiculous finish cost the match a star. ★★¼

Dean Ambrose defeated Dolph Ziggler to retain the WWE World Championship

So this belt is the world championship now, after being the world heavyweight championship and then just the championship. Anyway, remember what I said during the AJ-Cena match about being careful where on the card you put matches where the guys are going to do a bunch of stuff in the ring? Well, this is why. Ambrose and Ziggler had an excellent match, but the crowd just wasn’t into it. ★★★★½

Nikki Bella, Natalya, and Alexa Bliss defeated Becky Lynch, Carmella, and Naomi

So Nikki Bella’s back. Hooray. Just what we needed. Hey, Cena, if you’re giving up, please take your girlfriend with you. This match blew. Becky and Nattie deserve better than this. -★★

Finn Balor defeated Seth Rollins to win the WWE Universal Championship

So which universe is Balor the champion of? The real one or the WWE Universe? If it’s the latter, then Ambrose would have the bigger title, right? You know what, I’ve already spent too much time thinking about this. It’s a ridiculous concept and a hideous belt and the crowd made sure everyone heard about the latter. Great match, but yeah, that belt sucks. ★★★★¼

Roman Reigns and Rusev never actually had a match

Rusev attacked Reigns then Reigns beat the bejesus out of Rusev. Gotta make Reigns look strong. No match, so no rating, but this went on far too long and wasn’t any good.

Brock Lesnar defeated Randy Orton by TKO

Blockhead did some suplexes. Orton got a couple moves in, but this really didn’t do anything to make me think Ambrose was wrong about drug boy being lazy in the ring. Just when things looked like they couldn’t get much worse, doofus caught Orton with a stiff elbow and busted him open. Orton started gushing blood and the match was called shortly after. The idea that this was a work doesn’t make much sense. First of all, Orton is long past the point of his career where a pinfall loss to Brock Lesnar would hurt him at all. Second, guys get fined for blading and concussions are taken incredibly seriously. If something similar to this was the planned finish, Vince would have had to have signed off on it. If he wanted Orton to get color, why not simply waive the rule against blading this time? Why take the risk of Orton getting seriously hurt by the elbow, which is what looked like happened? And no, Orton didn’t just gig himself, unless he did it in a really awkward spot and really screwed it up. When guys get juice, they don’t gush blood like that. Lesnar busted Cena open with an elbow four years ago (although not nearly as bad), so carelessness is hardly a new thing for Lesnar. Since July, he’s failed a USADA drug test and now potentially seriously injured a fellow wrestler. What a model employee. Seriously, if you’re going to step between those ropes, you have an obligation to your opponent to be safe with them. Accidents happen – this isn’t ballet – but there’s a line between occasional accidents and carelessness. It’s pretty clear which side of that line blockhead’s on. -★★★★★

Overall: The opener, AJ-Cena, and the two world title matches are all worth watching. Nothing else really is. Making things worse was the fact that the show felt like it went on forever. I’ve got three matches rated as four stars or higher, including a five-star match, so it would be awfully hard for the show as a whole to have a negative rating, but here we are. Let’s hope Randy Orton’s okay. -½

Twitter: @KSchroeder_312

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com