UA-59049186-1 WWE WrestleMania 34 Review - Good if it Goes

WWE WrestleMania 34 Review

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Seth Rollins defeated The Miz and Finn Balor to win the WWE Intercontinental Championship

The right match opened the show. The three men had a strong, solid match while leaving plenty of stuff for the rest of the guys to do in later matches. Rollins and Balor had a couple spots together that made me really want to see a match between those two. ★★★¾

Charlotte Flair defeated Asuka to retain the SmackDown Women’s Championship

Best women’s match I’ve seen in quite some time. By this point, we know to expect great matches out of Asuka, but if we’re being honest, Charlotte’s had some clunkers with some women that she has no business having clunkers with. But she really brought it here. Very well done. ★★★★¼

Jinder Mahal defeated Rusev (w/ Aiden English), Bobby Roode, and Randy Orton to win the WWE United States Championship

You could have ended this after the entrances and it probably would have gotten a higher rating, though Roode’s wasn’t as glorious as I was hoping it would be. Roidy Magoo won because Vince never learns anything. Rusev took the pin, which I guess makes sense because it sets up the rematch with Orton with Orton losing the belt despite not having been pinned, but it still sucked to have a guy as over as Rusev take the pin, especially on Rusev Day. ★½

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey defeated Triple H and Stephanie McMahon

This was a lot better than I expected. I hated Ronda’s entrance – her character is the “baddest woman on the planet” and she’s smiling and waving to the crowd. It would have been bad enough if this was just a one-off for her, but if she’s going to be an actual pro wrestler now, she needs to start acting like one. In the ring, she looked good, but it’s worth mentioning that you could tell they were really protecting her. Drake Wuertz, fka Drake Younger, was the referee for this match but wasn’t in the referee photo that referee Jason Ayers posted on Twitter, so my guess is that he wasn’t called up, but was brought in for this show because the five of them meticulously put this match together at the performance center. We’ll have to wait and see how Ronda fares when she doesn’t have a ton of time to prepare for a match. Ideally, her first program would be with someone like Mickie James or Natalya who can guide Ronda and wouldn’t be hurt by a loss or two. ★★★½

The Bludgeon Brothers (Luke Harper and Erick Rowan) defeated The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E (w/ Xavier Woods)) and The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso) to win the SmackDown Tag Team Championship

Another one you could have ended after the entrances. The match was nothing special, but the New Day came out with little people dressed as pancakes, so there was that. ★★

The Undertaker defeated John Cena

Earlier int he show, a referee informed John Cena that Taker was there. Cena sprinted up the ramp and was promptly turned into a meme. Later when Cena actually came out for the match, a referee told him Taker wasn’t there after all, then Elias came out, sang, and got beat up for doing so. Then Taker actually did come out. He did his entrance. Two weeks later, the match started. Taker did his greatest hits and won in a squash. Cena didn’t get much in because Taker could barely walk let alone bump. He didn’t look as bad as The Great Khali or anything, but he looked closer to Khali than to prime Taker and well past the point where common sense should have prevailed and Taker should have realized it was time to hang it up or someone should have told him that if he wasn’t realizing it on his own. At this point, I’m beginning to think the Deadman’s deliberate pace on his entrance isn’t just for the sake of theatrics, but also out of necessity. If we’re being honest, Taker’s last good match was at WrestleMania 29 against CM Punk. That was a) five years ago and b) against one of the best workers in the company at the time and A has taken such a toll that I don’t think B would be relevant at this point. Cole kept getting over about how great Taker looked and that he was back. He’s facing Rusev in a casket match in Saudi Arabia. Maybe there is a little more in the tank and he’s got one last run in him, but if this is all he had on WWE’s grandest stage, I would bet against it. ★¼

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Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon defeated Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

Shane McMahon is a 48-year-old businessman and held his own against two professional wrestlers in their prime despite suffering from a hernia and diverticulitis, which you may remember is what ended Brock Lesnar’s first UFC run. This made no sense. It was nice to see Daniel Bryan wrestling again. It would be almost as nice to not see Shane do so anymore. ★¾

Nia Jax defeated Alexa Bliss (w/ Mickie James) to win the Raw Women’s Championship

This wasn’t any good and the last match didn’t do it any favors. Being related to The Rock remains undefeated. ★½

AJ Styles defeated Shinsuke Nakamura to retain the WWE Championship

Going into the show, I think just about everybody expected that this would be the match of the night and an instant classic. It was the former, but not the latter, and since it wasn’t the latter, the prevailing opinion on Twitter was that it was disappointing. Much like Okada vs. Naito at this year’s Wrestle Kingdom, the perception of the match was hurt by the expectations for it. The two had a great match, but when you’re expecting really great, regular great feels like a bit of a letdown, but you have to keep in mind that the match was still great. After the match, Nakamura turned heel and hit AJ with a low blow. I can’t help but think this is the program they should’ve given to Charlotte and Asuka and had AJ and Nakamura just shake hands. In any case, this match should’ve gone on last. You’ll see why in a minute. ★★★★¼

Braun Strowman and some kid named Nicholas defeated The Bar (Sheamus and Cesaro) to win the Raw Tag Team Championship

Strowman didn’t want a partner so he said he’d just pick someone out of the crowd. I thought maybe there was a plant in the crowd or something, but instead he came back with some kid named Nicholas who looked to be about 10. Then they won. Braun did all the work, but still, they put the belt on a 10-year-old. Maybe Vince did it so Jinder’s win would look less stupid by comparison. The match itself wasn’t minus five star quality, but that’s what it’s getting due to the David Arquette Rule – you make a belt look like a joke and it’s minus five stars. I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them. And make them. -★★★★★

Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) defeated Roman Reigns to retain the WWE Universal Championship

One of my favorite video games is Street Fighter. Street Fighter II to be specific. I’ve played a couple of the newer ones, but didn’t like them as much as I liked the older Sega Genesis games. That’s beside the point. The point is, while I like Street Fighter, I was never very good at it, so I stuck to the couple of moves I could execute. This was the pro wrestling version of me playing Street Fighter. After four-and-a-half hours of wrestling, the crowd decided they weren’t into that and would rather play with beach balls and chant for CM Punk. They chose wisely. Roman got busted open. It looked like hardway. Roman had a big lump on his head the next night on Raw, so there you go. This is now twice Brock’s done that. You have to be an idiot as a wrestler to let him do it and almost as big an idiot as a promoter to let him do it, so why this happened again is beyond me. Once is an accident. Twice is just reckless. -★½

Overall: An okay show if you turn it off after the AJ-Nakamura match. ★¾

Twitter: @KSchroeder_312

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com

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