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What’s Going On Is Adroit At Hyphenating Commodious Confabulations

Shade. S-H-A-D-E. Shade.

At Thursday’s Scripps (when did Howard drop out?) National Spelling Bee, the finals came down to two spellers, Nihar Janga, and Jairam Hathwar. Now, the Bee is not nearly as entertaining without the Sklar Brothers commentating it, but Nihar did his best to keep us entertained.

He followed that up with this:

He ended up choking on the word that would have won him the Bee. He would get another chance later and not even get his first word right. They ended up tying, which is like the third straight year that’s happened, and frankly, I’m getting pretty sick of it. You have to have a way to declare a winner here. My vote is for hand-to-hand combat. It is probably a good thing that I do not actually have a vote. Anyway, if that’s too extreme of a solution, then go to, like, rock-paper-scissors or something. If you insist upon a serious, non-gimmicky solution, go to tiebreaker rounds where the pronouncer can’t give any additional information. You get the word and thirty seconds to spell it. Boom. Just fixed the spelling bee. You’re welcome, Scripps. (Seriously, what happened to Howard?) In the hour-and-a-half or so I spent watching the Bee, I got a whole three words right, and they were all pretty short words that I just managed to not overthink. Still better than I usually do. As dumb as you might feel watching this thing, though, you’re still nowhere near this moron:

S-O-N-N-E-D T-O B-O-L-I-V-I-A. These are kids, you dunce. And they’ve worked incredibly hard to get better at spelling than I assume you are at anything, and since you’re on Twitter legitimately trash-talking kids not even old enough to drive and misspelling the word “lose,” that seems like a fairly safe assumption.

Who ya got?

Ballislife posted another one of these:

I went with the Big O, MJ, Pip, Dirk, and Wilt. Big O is one of the most overlooked players ever. I called him the sixth-best player ever (though when LeBron finishes, I’m sure I’ll have him ahead of most, if not all, people not named Michael Jordan, but still, #7 ain’t bad). Jordan is Jordan. If he’s not on your team, you suck at picking a team. No disrespect to Kobe, he’d make a fine 6th man, but as great as he was, the gap between Jordan and him (and everyone else) is rather sizable. Pip’s a great value at a buck. Jordan absolutely made him better and contributed to his legacy, but he was a great player in his own right. That left me with $5 for a front court. I’m putting Wilt in the middle and Dirk’s going be a stretch four for me. I contemplated going with Stockton, MJ, LeBron, Dirk, and Hakeem (another great $1 value pick), but I like my first idea better.

The latest thing Vince McMahon didn’t think through

WWE put out a new John Cena t-shirt that’s a clear spoof of the Pabst Blue Ribbon can. Pabst found out.

Things like this are done all the time, so I doubt WWE could actually get sued over it, but that doesn’t change the fact that this was a bad idea from the get-go. John Cena’s audience is children. So what design did they come up with for his new shirt? Beer can spoof. Brilliant. And this probably isn’t that big of a deal because I highly doubt a great many people are going to know what this means, and I’m almost certain it never even came up during any design meeting, but, in heraldry, the stripe going from top left to lower right is known as the bend sinister and is used to indicate illegitimacy. WWE ended up changing the design, and I’m absolutely taking partial credit. You don’t want the Beer City Bruiser mad at you.

Twitter: @KSchroeder_312

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com  

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