UA-59049186-1 Worst Take - Good if it Goes

Worst Take

INT: THE SET OF WORST TAKE

mqtv

 

 

 

Molly Qerim: Good morning, everyone, and welcome to Worst Take. I’m Molly Qerim, joined, as always, by Stephen A. Hole

sas_450

and Skip Brainless.

skiptebow

Today’s topic for debate: Is grass green? Let’s turn to you first, Stephen A.

Stephen A.: Grass is green. It’s one of the greenest things on Earth and has been for a long time. HOWEVA, it’s not as green as pears. Or celery. Or the money you inexplicably get for spouting your ignorant opinions, Skip.

Skip: I don’t think grass is green.

Stephen A.: You’re nuts.

Skip: Grass is not green! What it is is a distraction! It grows and grows and then you have to spend time cutting it, only for it to grow again. It’s a detriment to my weekend.

Stephen A.: But it’s still green!

Skip: Nope.

Molly: Let’s bring in hack reporter and noted bigot Chris Toolsard to weigh in on this great, intellectual debate.

brouGood morning Chris!

Chris: Molly, my sources are telling me that grass is not green.

*Checks Twitter*

wojgigt

Molly, my sources are now telling me that grass is, in fact, green.

Stephen A.: THANK YOU!

Skip: It’s not green! You know what’s green? This Tim Tebow jersey I’m wearing! That’s green! And Tebow’s going to be the best quarterback in the history of the universe.

Stephen A.: Tebow couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat.

Chris: The only water people need to worry about hitting is holy water. Have I told you how wrong homosexuality is?

Skip: Tebow could so hit water. He could hit water, which, by the way, is not wet, even if he didn’t fall out of the boat.

Stephen A.: Now you’ve really lost your mind. Water’s not wet. Is that what just came out of your mouth?

Skip: That’s right.

Chris: My sources are telling me that water is not wet.

Skip: THANK YOU!

Stephen A.: *shakes head.*

Chris: *Checks Twitter again.*

wojwiwt

Chris: My sources are now telling me that water is actually wet.

Skip: Tebow.

Stephen A.: *shakes head.*

Chris: Tim Tebow is an excellent role model for our young people, because he recognizes the greatness of God. Being gay is a sin.

Skip: TEEEEEEEBOWWWWWW!

INT: THE OFFICE OF ESPN PRESIDENT JOHN SKIPPER

John Skipper: We need to save some money around here. I’ve looked over everything; there’s no way around it, someone’s going to have to go. But who should it be?

*Reads excellent article by Bill Simmons on Grantland.*

*Turns on Worst Take, sees show above.*

*Calls secretary.* Get Bill Simmons on the phone.

*On phone with Bill Simmons.* Hi, Bill, John Skipper here. I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.

INT: MY HOUSE.

Me: *Sees what’s going on on Worst Take.*

*Sees ESPN has let Bill Simmons go.*

*Throws remote.*

THE END

Twitter: @KSchroeder2325

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *