Royal Rumble 2015 Preview

By Kevin Schroeder
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Updated: January 25, 2015

The Ascension vs. The New Age Outlaws

Kevin:
What should happen: This match never happens and The Ascension goes back to NXT. It’s truly incredible how poorly The Ascension has been booked since coming up to the main roster. I think the only hope to save them is to send them back to NXT and build them up again down there. Then, after six months or so, bring them back to the main roster and hope by then, everyone’s forgotten how stupid you’ve made them look now.

What will happen: The Ascension will win, then continue to cut horrible promos and basically just tread water, before becoming jobbers, and ultimately, getting released. Good job, Vince.

DeQwan:
I liked the segment on old school Raw between all the great former tag teams of the Attitude era, what I don’t like is how The Ascension has been booked up to this point. Matches with jobbers to “make them look strong” coupled with promos diminishing the great tag teams of years past has made their debut on the main roster kind of ehhh. The Ascension will win as the old dogs put them over. As a gift to this match-up that is ehhh we get to hear the greatest intro of all time. OHHHHHHHHHH YOU DIDN’T KNOWWWWWWWWWW!

Cesaro, Tyson Kidd, and Adam Rose vs. The New Day

Kevin:
What should happen: WWE stockholders show up to WWE offices demanding Vince’s firing for ruining not just one, but two potentially great tag teams on the same show. I have to give Vince credit, though – he’s always finding new ways to make Cesaro and Kidd look like idiots. Now he’s making them looks stupid together by saddling them with a lousy Aldous Snow rip-off whose biggest role on TV thus far involved him feuding with a man dressed as a bunny.

What will happen: The New Day win, and possibly enter the tag title picture.

DeQwan:
The WWE took what would’ve been a great heel stable, and turned the three non-rappers on the black side of the roster and made them dancing, walking, shucking and jiving, black men. I heard that the WWE was racist, but man this is ridiculous. Also, due to Vince’s inability to see Cesaro’s talent he’s stuck in mid-card hell, with Adam Rose whose gimmick I liked for the first month or so. Kidd is great at NXT, but I just don’t like his character for some reason. The New Day gets a victory and gets to be overly happy for the rest of their time in this stable.

The Bella Twins vs. Natalya and Paige

Kevin:
What should happen: Nattie and Paige win and the Bellas get legitimately fired. With any luck, Nikki’s boyfriend quits in protest.

What will happen: The Bellas win, and there won’t be much about this match in the review, because I will have used this time to get a snack.

DeQwan:
*Bathroom break*

The Usos (c) vs. The Miz and Damien Mizdow for the WWE Tag Team Championship

Kevin:
What should happen: Mizdow and Miz win. They then drop the belts at Fast Lane against someone else (maybe The New Day), setting up Sandow vs. Miz at WrestleMania. With any luck, they don’t drop the ball with Sandow again.

What will happen: The Usos retain, and go on to defend against The Ascension at Fast Lane.

DeQwan:

All hail X-Dow! I legitimately thought he was X-Pac on the Raw reunion show. Sandow has been gold in his time as Miz’s stunt double, and not to take anything away from Miz he has been good in his role as well. Ironically enough, I think Miz is at a point in his career where he just gets X-Pac heat. Uso’s retain here and move on away from this feud, and we get to see Sandow vs Miz start their rivalry on the road to Mania. As Kevin stated, hopefully WWE gives Sandow the push he deserves.

Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Seth Rollins vs. John Cena for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Kevin:

What should happen: Lesnar hits both Cena and Rollins with the F5 (maybe at the same time), and pins them simultaneously. This is likely his last match before WrestleMania, where he’ll almost certainly drop the title, so he should be made to look as strong as possible, especially since he was made to look like an idiot in the last match he wrestled.

What will happen: Lesnar pins Rollins to retain the title. I really can’t think of a reason Rollins would be in this match, other than to take the pin so Cena doesn’t have to and Brock can still keep the belt.

DeQwan:

Adding Rollins to this match has been a breath of fresh air to a rivalry that has been beaten like a dead horse. I was skeptical about him turning heel after the Shield split, but as of late he has been on absolute fire. His promo at the contract signing made me believe in his ability as not only an in-ring performer, but as a great heel character. Brock is Brock. That’s it. Cena is Cena, and that infuriates me. I’m hoping Rollins isn’t in this match to take the pin, because wins don’t matter to Cena’s character anymore. Having Rollins take the pin is a horrible idea, and I’m hoping for a cash-in attempt that’s thwarted by Cena somehow. Lesnar retains and goes on to start a feud with…

Royal Rumble match

Kevin:

What should happen: Daniel Bryan wins and goes on to defeat Lesnar for the title at WrestleMania. As much as I like Dean Ambrose, he’s not ready for the title just yet, and Roman Reigns is nowhere close. He’s a very average worker who’s abysmal on the microphone.

What will happen: Roman Reigns will win. Gotta make Reigns look strong.

Deqwan:

It’s already been publicized that WWE wants Roman Reigns to be the guy. So much so that they published this Mania poster in advance.

(Edit: This billboard is fake.)

I think WWE will go the lazy route and force Roman on us, like they have with Cena the last few years. He gets a good pop, and he is pretty intense during the finshes of his matches. His promos actually stink to high hell (BEELEEDAT). But this is the guy moving forward. Honestly, I’d take more of Roman if it means less of Cena in the title picture. They’re not going to go with Bryan for the simple fact that, they don’t believe in him, and his injury was a precursor of what’s to come. Which I can see, but as a Bryan fan, DAT BOY RIHT DERE IN MY FAV FIVE DOG *Booker T voice* So Roman wins the rumble (insert CM Punk quote).

What to expect in the rumble:

ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! I heard Dreamer will be one of the surprise entrants, and THE DUDLEY BOYZ. Rumors on the interwebz also speculate that The Master of the Diamond Cutter will be a surprise entrant as well. *High fives self*

FROM OUTTA NOWHERE: Randy Orton returns.

It’s An Athletic Black Guy: Kofi does his usual, “You thought I was eliminated, but you were wrong” spot.

Iron Man: Daniel Bryan goes for over an hour and is in the final four. I really hope he doesn’t feud with Sheamus moving forward.

The Ayatollah of Rock and Roll-a: Y2J makes his return.

Rusev Machka: Can I use “Gotta make him look strong” here? I think he has the most eliminations and ends up in the final four with Reigns, Bryan, and another heel like Rollins.

Overall I think the Rumble is the 2nd best PPV in WWE’s line-up. It kicks off the Road to Wrestlemania (which is the only time creative really cares about what they’re doing). Last year thanks to CM Punk, we got the matches we deserved and the story lines we wanted. This year, I foresee things different. We will get an okay Mania card, we get a Sting match, and some other things we don’t care for. I’ve learned to not care about what creative does due to the fact that I can’t control what happens. Therefore, I just enjoy the show, and tweet my displeasure. I know Rumble will be great and I can’t wait to see how everything plays out.

Twitter: @KSchroeder2325, @Day_Qwan

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com

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