WWE WrestleMania 32 Review

Zack Ryder won a Ladder Match over Dolph Ziggler, Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Stardust, Sin Cara, and The Miz to win the WWE Intercontinental Championship

Everyone but Owens went for a ladder to start. Zayn and Owens brawled for a moment in the ring. A few guys took each other out and Miz was the first to make a run for the belt, but he was dropped off the ladder. Owens and Zayn ended up brawling again. Owens back body dropped him onto a ladder. Ryder hit a Rough Ryder on Owens. Zayn hit a couple big diving moves, including his DDT through the ropes. Ziggler and Owens took each other out with superkicks. Stardust pulled out a polka-dotted ladder. That was awesome. Owens frog splashed Zayn on a ladder. Ryder hit the Elbro Drop on Miz from the top of a ladder. Ryder went for the belt, but Ziggler cut him off. Ziggler went for the belt, but Owens cut him off and powerbombed him. Sin Cara went for the belt, but Owens tipped it over, sending Sin Cara out of the ring and onto Stardust through a ladder. Owens went for the belt, but Zayn caught up and the two men brawled at the top of the ladder. Owens knocked Zyan down, but Zayn pulled Owens down and suplexed him onto a ladder. Zayn went for the belt but Miz tipped the ladder over.

Finish: Miz made it to the top of the ladder, but paused at the top to showboat. Zack Ryder made it up the ladder, pushed Miz off and grabbed the belt to win the match.

After the match, Ryder’s dad came into the ring to celebrate with him. Everyone but Miz was awesome. Good for Zack Ryder. I know people aren’t going to believe this, but I thought there was a decent chance he would win, since I saw no other reason for him to be in the match.

★★★¾

Chris Jericho defeated AJ Styles

AJ and Jericho went back-and-forth early on. Jericho was able to take control and get the heat on AJ. JBL said AJ might be a flash in the pan. It’s worth noting that this company employs Mauro Ranallo and Arda Ocal. AJ made a comeback, but Jericho eventually cut him off and locked in the Walls of Jericho. AJ was able to get to the ropes. AJ made another brief comeback. Both men ended up on the top rope. AJ dropped him off. They both went down and Michael Cole had no idea what was supposed to have happened. I’m not going to blame him for that, though, because I didn’t either. Jericho got AJ in the Walls again. AJ countered into the Calf Crusher. Jericho rolled and forced AJ onto his break; he had to break the hold or be pinned. Jericho hit the Codebreaker, but hesitated before going for the pin, so AJ kicked out. Jericho went for the Styles Clash, but AJ countered and dropped Jericho for a near-fall. After trading roll-up attempts, AJ hit the Styles Clash, but Jericho kicked out. That move was devastating in Japan. In WWE, it’s ruined like every other finisher. Good job, idiots. AJ peppered Jericho with forearms. He went for a running forearm, but Jericho got his feet up and blocked it. Jericho went for the Lionsault, but AJ blocked that. AJ hit a 450 splash for a near-fall.

Finish: AJ went for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Jericho countered with a Codebreaker and won.

I hope this doesn’t mean these guys are going to wrestle again. They have good matches together, but I don’t need to see it again for a while. Jericho’s still a solid hand in the ring, but let’s be honest – he doesn’t have his fastball anymore.

★★★

The League of Nations (Rusev, Sheamus, and Alberto Del Rio w/ King Barrett) defeated The New Day (Big E, Kofi Kingston, and Xavier Woods) in a six-man tag team match

New Day got the upper hand on Sheamus. Rusev tagged in and League of Nations took control. Del Rio got the heat on Xavier, then tagged in Sheamus to do likewise. Sheamus pounded Xavier’s chest chanting “New Day sucks.” Rusev came in and beat up Xavier. The rest of the Leauge took turns getting the heat on Xavier until Xavier hit a DDT on Sheamus and tagged in Kofi. Kofi ran wild. Kofi went for Trouble in Paradise on Sheamus, but Sheamus caught him and locked in the cloverleaf. Rusev kicked Kofi in the head and Sheamus got a near-fall. Kofi tagged in Big E, who hit a couple belly-to-belly suplexes then took out Sheamus, Rusev, and Barrett with a dive to the outside. Xavier tagged in and hit Sheamus off the top rope for a near-fall. Del Rio hit a backstabber on Xavier. The League of Nations took control on the outside.

Finish: Barrett hit a Bullhammer on Xavier, then Sheamus hit a Brogue Kick and pinned him.

After the match, Barrett cut a lousy promo about how there are no three more dominant men (so I guess this is why they changed this from a handicap to a six-man tag?) when Shawn Michaels’ music hit. Mick Foley followed and then Steve Austin. Austin, Foley, and Michaels came down to the ring and beat up the League of Nations after New Day took out Barrett and evened the sides. New Day came into the ring and danced. Foley got into it. Austin teased doing likewise, then hit the Stunner on Xavier. So apparently they jobbed the New Day out just to do this. Like, it was cool, but you can’t wonder why guys don’t get over when this is your line of thinking.

★★½

Brock Lesnar defeated Dean Ambrose in a Street Fight

Lesnar got the heat on Ambrose. Ambrose came back with a kendo stick. Lesnar re-took control of the match. Ambrose made a comeback, but Lesnar cut him off. Lesnar dared Ambrose to get up and fight him. Ambrose crawled over and hit a low blow. Ambrose hit a dive out of the ring. Ambrose pulled out the chainsaw he got from Terry Funk, but it didn’t start and Lesnar attacked him. Ambrose nailed Lesnar in the head with a laptop. Lesnar hit a German suplex off the top rope. Ambrose blinded Lesnar with a fire extinguisher then ran wild with a chair. Ambrose dove onto Lesnar with a chair off the top rope for a near-fall. Ambrose threw a bunch of chairs in the ring. He swung at Lesnar with one, but Lesnar dodged it and tried to hit a German suplex onto the chairs, but he shot Ambrose over the chairs and landed on them himself. Hey, Maffew, how ya doin’? Lesnar went for an F5 onto the chairs, but Ambrose countered into a DDT.

Finish: Ambrose swung the barbed wire bat he got from Foley at Lesnar, but Lesnar dodged it and hit a German suplex and then an F5 onto the chairs for the win.

Remember what I just said about not being able to get mad when guys don’t get over? They had a real chance to make Ambrose a major star here and they didn’t take it. Good job, idiots. Anyway, this was nothing special.

★¾

Charlotte defeated Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks in a Triple Threat match to retain her title, now called the WWE Women’s Championship

All three women tried to gain the upper hand early on, with no one being able to. Becky did briefly after Sasha was taken out outside the ring by Charlotte, but then Charlotte took control and got the heat on Becky. Sasha came back in and beat up Charlotte briefly until Becky took her out. Charlotte and Becky went back-and-forth for a bit, then Becky locked in the Disarmher. Sasha came in and broke the hold. Sasha was taken out again after which Charlotte locked in the Figure Four, though she was unable to bridge to the Figure Eight. Sasha broke that hold with a frog splash that the cameras missed. Cole made a big deal before the match about how Sasha was wearing gear inspired by Eddie Guerrero because one of Eddie’s matches inspired her to become a wrestler. Really would have been nice if the cameras hadn’t missed that shot. The three women again struggled to gain the upper hand. Sasha was able to. Becky took out Ric. Charlotte took out Becky and Sasha on the outside with a moonsault from the top rope. That was awesome. Charlotte hit a double Natural Selection, but each woman kicked out went Charlotte went for the pin on her. Charlotte maintained control until Becky took out both her and Sasha. Becky locked in the Disarmher on Charlotte. Charlotte went for the ropes, but, of course, there are no DQs in a Triple Threat. Sasha broke the hold and locked in the Banks Statement on Becky, who went for the ropes herself. THERE ARE NO DQS IN A TRIPLE THREAT. The women traded submission attempts, then blows. Charlotte hit a spear on Sasha, then Becky took the fight to Charlotte. Becky and Charlotte went to the top rope. Sasha shoved Becky down, then Becky got back up and hit a Fisherman (Fisherwoman?) suplex off the top. Becky went for a move on Sasha, but Sasha countered into a backbreaker, then she locked in the Banks Statement.

Finish: Charlotte threw Sasha out of the ring, then locked the Figure Eight in on Becky. Ric kept Sasha out of the ring and Becky tapped out.

If you’re not going to do anything with Becky, please send he back to NXT and let her shine there. She’s a phenomenal talent and is just getting lost in the shuffle on the main roster. The match itself was pretty good.

★★★

The Undertaker defeated Shane McMahon in a Hell in a Cell Match

Taker got the upper hand early on. Taker hit the Last Ride, but Shane kicked out at 2. Shane made a comeback and locked in a Triangle choke. Taker was able to fight out. Shane took the fight to Taker but Taker hit a chokeslam on Shane on the steps. Shane was able to kick out. Taker and Shane looked to be blown up pretty early. Shane goaded Taker into attacking him, then hit a DDT on the steps. Taker kicked out at 2. Taker and Shane traded a couple blows, then Taker locked Shane in Hell’s Gate. Shane slipped out and reversed the hold into a lousy Sharpshooter. Taker was able to fight out. Shane hit a couple punches on Taker in the corner. Shane went coast-to-coast on Taker. Taker kicked out at 2. Shane found a pair of bolt cutters under the ring and cut a few of the bolts on the cell. Taker drove Shane through the cell and into the German announce table. The fans chanted “This is awesome.” They were incorrect. Taker landed a few punches on Shane. Taker blasted Shane with a monitor. Taker went for a Tombstone from the barricade, but Shane countered into a sleeper. Taker broke the hold by falling through one of the announce tables. Shane hit Taker in the face with a toolbox twice. Taker fell on an announce table and Shane hit him in the head with a monitor. Shane climbed to the top of the cell and jumped off at Taker, but Taker rolled out of the way. Michael Cole screamed “for the love of Mankind,” which I don’t know if the pun was intentional or not, but it was funny all the same. The idiot cameraman zoomed in on Shane so you could see the table was padded. Shane didn’t give up and asked Taker for more.

Finish: Taker hit a Tombstone and pinned Shane

Nothing about the buildup for this match made any sense. Why did Vince steal one of Teddy Long’s gimmicks? What is Taker’s motivation in this match? I mean, I could understand if it was loyalty to Vince, but doing Vince’s dirty work after Vince insulted him only confirmed the insult. And then Vince said if Taker loses, it’ll be his last WrestleMania even though Shane would then be in control. So where does Shane’s control end and who’s in charge after that? I guess Shane’s only in control of Raw and not any of the other shows? Do I have that right? And if Taker loses to a guy who’s been gone for years and was never an actual wrestler in the first place, shouldn’t he hang it up? Anyway, it was stupid. As far as the match goes, it pretty much stunk, with the only redeeming quality being Shane McMahon’s willingness to throw himself through things.

-¾

Baron Corbin won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

DDP made a surprise appearance. Big Show took longer to get to the ring than Taker did for the last match. Shaquille O’Neal entered the match. No, I’m not kidding. A bunch of jabronis had to sell for Shaq. Shaq and Big Show double chokeslammed Kane. Cole yelled “Boom Shakalaka.” Fire Michael Cole. The ring cleared out under the ropes leaving Shaq and Big Show. Fandango came into the ring and started dancing. He was quickly dispatched of. Sandow didn’t dance but the result was the same. Shaq and Big Show tried to chokeslam each other. The miscellaneous jabronis saw this as a chance to dump them out of the ring, which they did. Tatanka was in the match, but Cole didn’t know it until Saxton pointed it out. I have no idea why they didn’t give him a televised entrance or at least point out that he was there. At least Cole didn’t make a “Cowboys and Indians” joke. Baron Corbin was in the match. He sucks. Curtis Axel either was dressed like John Cena, wasn’t told he was going to be wrestling, or just forgot his gear. The Social Jobbers ran around like a bunch of dopes. Corbin and Kane got rid of them. Various clowns got tossed in various ways. Typical battle royal.

Finish: Kane tossed out a couple guys, then Corbin dumped him out and won.

After the match, Corbin posed with the trophy. He still sucks.

★½

The Rock came out and cut a promo putting over the crowd and the new fake attendance record. Bryan Alvarez said on Twitter that the real attendance was a real record, but that it was around 85,000. Bray Wyatt came out and cut a promo about wanting to kick a door down. Rock challenged any one of the Wyatt Family members to a match.

The Rock defeated Erick Rowan

Whole match and finish: The Rock hit the Rock Bottom and won in 6 seconds, a WrestleMania record.

He only did one move, but he did it well, I guess.

½

After the match, the Wyatts stared down The Rock and John Cena came out and made the save.

Roman Reigns defeated Triple H to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Reigns got booed out of the building. Triple H got the heat on Reigns. The crowd chanted “Roman sucks.” Reigns was able to reverse the momentum and take control. After a bit of brawling, Triple H got the heat on Reigns some more. Reigns fought back. The crowd booed. Reigns hit a big clothesline. More boos. Reigns took control and got Triple H in the corner. Stephanie distracted the ref and Triple H kicked Reigns in the balls. Triple H hit a pair of atomic drops. Cole said he was targeting Reigns’ lower extremities. Either that’s a “third leg” joke or Cole’s a dope. The latter is definitely true, and knowing Vince’s sense of humor and fascination with physique, the former probably is as well. Triple H hit a spinebuster for a near fall. The match made its way outside the ring, where Reigns made a brief comeback before being cut off by Triple H. Triple H hit a swinging neckbreaker off an announce table. Reigns made his way back into the ring. Triple H beat him up some more. Eventually, Reigns made a comeback. He would hit a Samoan drop for a near fall. Reigns jumped off the stairs and hit Triple H with a clothesline. Reigns threw Triple H into the steps, then back into the ring. Triple H rolled back out, Reigns followed him and was then thrown into the stairs and then over an announce table. I think it was the German one. Reigns got up and speared Triple H through the barricade. Reigns rolled Triple H back into the ring. Reigns was hurt as well. After getting up, Reigns went for a Superman punch, but Triple H caught him and worked his arms with a hold. Reigns was able to power out of the hold. Triple H put him in another hold. Reigns powered out again. Reigns went for a spear, but Triple H caught him with a knee. Triple H went for the Pedigree, but Reigns dumped him out of the ring. The fans stated singing “Ole.” At this point, they were just entertaining themselves since this match sure wasn’t gonna do it. Reigns hit a spear, but Stephanie pulled the ref out of the ring. When he made it back in, Triple H kicked out at 2. Stephanie came into the ring to argue with the ref. Reigns went for another spear, but Triple H moved and Reigns hit Stephanie. Triple H hit a Pedigree for a near fall. The fans that weren’t singing “Ole” were booing. Reigns hit a Superman punch. All boos now. Reigns went for a spear, but Triple H caught him with a knee for a near fall. Stephanie, down outside the ring, reached under the ring and grabbed a sledgehammer, which she then handed to Triple H.

Finish: Reigns hit a pair of Superman punches. He psyched himself up, Triple H tried to hit him with the sledgehammer, but Reigns ducked, hit the spear, and won.

This wasn’t good. Reigns is still mediocre-at-best in the ring and Triple H isn’t what he was a decade ago. The fans were either booing or indifferent. I was just ready for this thing to be over, considering they were going on five hours by this point.

-★

Overall: I’m on the fence about cancelling the network. This show was largely disappointing, but the NXT show Friday was awesome. I mean, I have some issues with the booking: Jericho going over AJ, Becky not looking so good, Lesnar going over Ambrose, and the entire Shane – Taker feud, but none of these matches themselves were horrible. After the ladder match, nobody was particularly great, either, though. ★★

Twitter: @KSchroeder_312

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com

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