What’s Going On Carbs Up

No wonder Bret Bielema wanted this guy

Over Father’s Day weekend, Michigan commit Stephen Spanellis won $250 for eating 15 slices of pizza in 5 minutes.

#Michigan OL commit Stephen Spanellis wins $250 eating 15 slices of pizza in 5 mins. Lol https://t.co/shbdekaCUr

— Steve Lorenz (@TremendousUM) June 18, 2016

https://t.co/zgupDzDrh6@TremendousUM all I have is afterwards — Stephen Spanellis (@Big_Spanellis78) June 18, 2016

If Spanellis isn’t given a fourth star after this, then there’s something wrong with the recruiting services. Also, where was this event? Asking for, uh, why lie – me. Asking for me.

On the other end of the spectrum…

Colin Kapernick is now a vegan.

Colin Kaepernick Is Now A Vegan https://t.co/Ds8CCooQiy … pic.twitter.com/DP0HjH9gBa — Terez Owens (@TerezOwens) June 18, 2016

So, yeah, things are going swimmingly in San Francisco. Let’s recap the goings on since the end of the 2014 season there, shall we? They fired one of the top five football coaches in the world to hire Carl from Aqua Teen Hungerforce, then when, to the surprise of nobody – well, nobody with a brain, anyway. Jed York was definitely surprised by this – he sucked at the job, they hired a guy, who when given the keys to the Eagles’ car, drove it straight into a tree. They’ve had a bunch of players retire and have done nothing of note this off-season. They reached on Joshua Garnett. And now the quarterback’s a vegan. Look, there’s a point when continuing to support a team is no longer a matter of loyalty, but rather one of stupidity, or at least delusion. For the 49ers, that point was named Carl Brutanandilewski Jim Tomsula.

Now I’m not saying I believe in curses, HOWEVA

You know what, this is actually kind of impressive. I don’t know how you miss on something like this six times in a row. Like, you would think you’d be right just by accident at least once. You could make your prediction by picking a name out of a hat and do better than this. (By the way, I nailed my Finals prediction *pats self on back* Me > Stephen A.)

In related news, ESPN just got roughly 473 times better today, as it was Skip Bayless’ last day. (It’s still pretty bad, though. Plenty of morons still around there. But hey, at least they’re better than Fox Sports 1. So congrats, ESPN, that’s something. Sort of.)

Twitter: @KSchroeder_312

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com