What’s Going On Combines Chumbawamba and Cannibalism

By Kevin Schroeder
- Tweet
- Pin It
Updated: January 22, 2021

Qwan made this

I know that says “Fire Matt Patricia.” Just pretend it says Dan Campbell instead. Same thing.

Oh Danny boy, Danny boy, Danny boy. The Lions tabbed Dan Campbell to be their next head coach and even though they were bidding against nobody for his services, they gave him a six-year contract anyway. Any lingering hope for Lions fans that this might not be a total disaster went out the window at his introductory press conference, where he did this:

WELCOME TO THE MCDC ERA DETROIT pic.twitter.com/80TFcWwSHa

— Pat McAfee (@PatMcAfeeShow) January 21, 2021

Introductory press conferences are largely ceremonial. There’s really only one way to screw it up and it’s to do that. Campbell joked that he told his agent to make the Lions think they were interviewing Matt Campbell. After watching that, I’m like 90% sure that’s actually what happened.

Speaking of dysfunctional regimes. Jay Glazer with a great story about Nick Saban’s tenure in Miami.

How did I never know before today that the reason why Nick Saban dipped from the NFL is because Daunte Culpepper and Zach Thomas tried to beat him up in the locker room lmao pic.twitter.com/YtChXUKSYf

— Brett Kollmann (@BrettKollmann) January 19, 2021

As far as Urban Meyer goes, while he’s probably not somebody you have to worry about getting on his players’ bad sides. HOWEVA, he has zero NFL experience whatsoever, the offense he ran in college isn’t going to work in the pros, at his last job, he kept a domestic abuser who was a lousy coach besides on staff simply because he was Woody Hayes’ grandson, and he’s 100% going to dip out at the first sign of adversity. The new GM in Jacksonville is Trent Baalke, who had a hand in running Jim Harbaugh out of San Francisco. Though it’s entirely possible that he was the best the Jags could get, since owner Shad Khan still plans on having some control over the roster.

But, wait! If we’re talking about dysfunctional organizations, we have to hear from THE RAIDAZ.

The Las Vegas @Raiders have hired a new DC in Gus Bradley & they posted a picture of Ken Whisenhunt #PatMcAfeeShowLIVE pic.twitter.com/wpRcUU8QhD

— Pat McAfee (@PatMcAfeeShow) January 12, 2021

Gonna be tough to beat. How’s it going in Houston? Surely, they’ve bottomed out, right? There aren’t any stars left to trade, other than Deshaun Watson, and they’d never do tha…

Texans have had internal conversations about possible trade partners for Deshaun Watson and what their quarterback position would look like in the future without him, per ESPN’s @sarahbarshop.https://t.co/X7ppAn9OcL

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) January 17, 2021

Cheer up, Lions fans. It could be worse.

You can’t do that on television. Nickelodeon simulcasted the Bears-Saints playoff game, with some broadcast elements targeted to kids, like CGI slime when a touchdown is scored. However, this is still football and emotions do run high, and it’s live TV, and sometimes when those two things combine, well…let’s just say this was not a kid-friendly moment.

Cleanest f bomb of all time. On a kids show for goodness sake!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/Z0O5CLRff1

— Dana Beers (@DanaBeers_) January 10, 2021

The ref means to call the penalty on Cordarrelle Patterson, number 84, not number 85, which is Cole Kmet. I don’t know who said “84, get it right,” but I do think that’s Kmet dropping the f-bomb.

Run, Forrest, run! This Bama fan found a unique way to celebrate their national championship.

A man dressed as Forrest Gump is running down University Boulevard in downtown Tuscaloosa at 11:17 pm pic.twitter.com/7DcqhuS3QD

— Ben Flanagan (@ThisBenFlanagan) January 12, 2021

I mean, at least I think that’s what he was doing. It is Alabama, after all, so that might just be a typical Monday night for him.

Here it is, your moment of zen.