WWE Royal Rumble 2016 Review

By Kevin Schroeder
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Updated: January 25, 2016

Dean Ambrose defeated Kevin Owens in a Last Man Standing match to retain the WWE Intercontinental Championship

Ambrose, the face champion, came out first, and Owens, the heel challenger, came out second. That made no sense. The two men brawled. Ambrose dove to the outside and took out Owens. Owens flew into Michael Cole, so we didn’t have to listen to him for a bit. (He wasn’t really hurt, so I’m not being a jerk.) Owens hit a cannonball on Ambrose into the timekeeper’s area. Ambrose made it up at eight. Owens attacked Ambrose with a kendo stick, then snaped the stick in half and drove it into Ambrose’s stomach. Owens brought a bunch of chairs into the ring. He blasted Ambrose with a chair, then sat down in the middle of the ring and put his feet up. Owens really is a great heel. Owens tried to powerbomb Ambrose through a pair of chairs, but Ambrose countered and back body dropped Owens through the chairs. Ambrose dove through the ropes at Owens, but Owens caught him and drove him into the edge of the ring. Owens then drove Ambrose into the stairs. Ambrose made it up at nine. Owens brought out some tables. Some guy in the crowd started singing the Canadian National Anthem. It is a great song. Owens stacked the tables and tried to superplex Ambrose through them, but Ambrose fought him off and wrapped a chair around his face. Ambrose’s comeback was cut off momentarily by a superkick from Owens, but when Owens went for the Pop-up Powerbomb, Ambrose countered into a huricanrana. Ambrose hit Dirty Deeds, but Owens beat the 10-count. Amrbose hit Dirty Deeds onto a chair, but Owens rolled out of the ring and got his feet on the floor at the count of nine. Ambrose set up a table outside the ring, threw Owens on it and hit an elbow from the top onto Owens. The fans chanted “This is awesome.” They were not wrong. Ambrose hit Owens with a chair and set up a table in the ring. He went for a superplex, but Owens countered and drove Ambrose through the table. Ambrose made it up at nine. Owens hit a Pop-up Powerbomb. Ambrose made it up at nine. Owens attacked Ambrose with a chair.

Finish: Owens set up five chairs and went to moonsault Ambrose through them, but Ambrose shoved Owens off the top rope and through the two tables on the outside. Owens was unable to beat the 10-count.

This was an awesome match. I will not be upset at all if these two face each other at WrestleMania.

★★★★¼

The New Day (Big E and Kofi Kingston w/ Xavier Woods) defeated The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso) to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship

New Day came out first. It bugs the crap out of me when they do that. I don’t care who the face is, the champion comes out second. Kofi and Big E asked for a moment of silence for Francesca the trombone. The crowd booed. Xavier came out with a new trombone. He called it Francesca 2. Kofi and one of the Usos started out in the ring going back-and-forth. The Uso tagged his partner in, who then threw out of the ring. Uso A then attacked Kofi outside the ring behind the ref’s back. So I guess the Usos are heels. Or the people who booked this are really dumb. The New Day was also working heel, so I’m guessing it’s the latter.

Kofi and Big E got the heat on Uso B. Uso B made a comeback and put Kofi out of the ring. Big E threw him back in and tagged in. Uso A tagged in as well, then ran wild. Uso B got thrown over the barricade. Uso A got distracted and Big E gained the upper hand. Uso B took out Kofi from the top of the barricade and then Big E took out Uso A with a spear through the ropes, so all four men were down outside the ring. Kofi tagged in and went for Trouble in Paradise, but Uso A countered, hit a superkick, and Uso B hit a splash from the top. He then had to change position going for the cover, so as not to screw up the finish, since Kofi needed to get to the ropes to break the pin.

Finish: Uso B had Kofi up for a powerbomb, but Big E tagged himself in. Uso B didn’t notice and hit Kofi anyway. He then went for the splash off the top, but Big E caught him, hit the Big Ending, and pinned him.

Fun match. The New Day was great and the crowd loved them. The Usos – not so much.

★★★¼

Kalisto defeated Alberto Del Rio to win the WWE United States Championship

GUESS WHO CAME OUT FIRST! GO AHEAD, GUESS! YEP, THAT’S RIGHT, THE CHAMPION! Del Rio got the heat on Kalisto then Kalisto came back, got Del Rio out of the ring, and took control on the outside. Back in the ring, Del Rio got the heat on Kalisto again. Del Rio slid Kalisto out of the ring and he landed flat on his stomach. That had to hurt. Outside the ring, Kalisto made a comeback again. So, you know, Alberto, maybe keep him in the ring. Because wouldn’t you know it, once Del Rio got him back in the ring, he took control again. The match moved outside briefly, where Del Rio threw Kalisto into the barricade. Third time was the charm, I guess. The match moved back in the ring, where Del Rio tried to take off Kalisto’s mask. Kalisto started a comeback, but Del Rio cut him off. Del Rio called for the armbreaker and pointed at the WrestleMania sign. Kalisto then made a comeback and hit a spinning DDT off the top rope on Del Rio for a near fall. Kalisto hit a couple more moves and got another near fall. Both men ended up on the canvas. Del Rio then gained control of the match for a bit. Kalisto came back, botched something and rolled Del Rio up for a two-count. Del Rio got the heat on Kalisto again and went for the stomp from the top rope, but Kalisto dodged it and hit a Salida del Sol, but Del Rio grabbed the bottom rope. Del Rio tossed Kalisto outside. Kalisto tried to come off the top at Del Rio, but Del Rio countered into a double knee that missed pretty badly. Hey, Maffew, how ya doin’?. He then exposed the top turnbuckle.

Finish: Kalisto drove Del Rio into the exposed turnbuckle, then hit a Salida del Sol, and pinned him.

Couple botched spots aside, this was a good match.

★★¾

Charlotte (w/ Ric Flair) defeated Becky Lynch to retain the WWE Divas Championship

Charlotte actually came out second. Good job, guys! Becky got the better of Charlotte early on. Becky got Charlotte down on the outside. Ric planted a kiss on Becky. I guess that’s okay, since it was in plain view of the ref and wasn’t a DQ. Becky then slapped Ric, but Ric didn’t sell it. Charlotte then got the heat on Becky. Becky eventually fought back, got Charlotte up on her shoulders and dropped her. With that, both women were down. After they made it to their feet, Becky got the upper hand again. Charlotte came back, hit a neckbreaker, and went for the Figure Eight, but Becky countered and regained control of the action. Becky went for the DisarmHer, but Charlotte rolled up Becky for a near-fall. Charlotte speared Becky and got two near-falls out of that. Charlotte attempted a comeback, but Becky got her in an armbar from the top rope. Charlotte foughyt back, and got Becky down. Charlotte went for the baseball slide, but hit Ric. He barely sold that.

Finish: Becky got Charlotte in the DisarmHEr, but Flair threw his jacket onto Becky. Again, this was in plain view of the refs and didn’t cause a DQ, so I have no idea what the rules are here. Anyway, Becky got up and threw the jacket at Ric. With the ref dealing with Ric, Charlotte poked Becky in the eyes and with her reeling from that, hit the spear and pinned her.

After the match, Sasha Banks came out. The crowd cheered, thinking she was going to go after Charlotte, but then she attacked Becky and formed an alliance with Charlotte. That lasted all of about a minute, as Sasha then attacked Charlotte and raised the title over her head. Even Big Show has to be impressed with how her turns were. This had all better end with Becky winning the title.

Now, Charlotte is very good. Becky, for my money, is the best female talent in the company, and not by a small margin. Yet, this match was not very good. Do the math.

★★

Triple H and his golden shovel won the Royal Rumble to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Reigns got booed out of the building. AJ Styles was #3. The roof came off the building. The camera was on Reigns’ face, though, because reasons. *shakes fist at Kevin Dunn* Someone brought a cardboard Colt Cabana cutout. A. Say that 5 times fast. B. It was cool. The crowd chanted “Let’s go AJ” and then “AJ Styles.” Ryback got booed almost as loudly as Reigns did. R-Truth came in at #12 and thought it was a ladder match. He grabbed a ladder from under the ring, climbed it, was dismayed to find out there was no belt to grab, went down, and got tossed out by Kane. That was kind of funny. The League of Nations came out and beat down Reigns. The Three Stooges pointed out that there are no DQs in the Rumble, so I don’t know why they pulled Reigns out of the ring under the bottom rope rather than go in the ring and throw him out over the top rope and eliminate him. Rusev splashed Reigns through one of the announce tables. Cole sold it like Reigns had been killed. Reigns ended up going to the back. Braun Strowman goofed up eliminating Big Show. Then the Network started screwing up on me and I missed Sami Zayn coming in. *shakes fist at WWE Network* I wonder if I’d have that problem with New Japan World. The Wyatt Family ran wild. Lesnar entered the match and took them on and eventually eliminated Rowan, Harper, and Strowman. Miz threatened to turn Suplex City into Mizneyworld. Miz sucks. Miz asked Cole if he’d ever been to Orlando. They were in Orlando. Wyatt came in at #27. Rowan, Harper, and Strowman came back in and helped Bray gang up on Lesnar. Lesnar fought off Rowan, Harper, and Strowman, but the came back in again and took down Lesnar. Bray hit Sister Abigail and the Wyatt Family eliminated Lesnar. Ziggler paid tribute to Lemmy with his gear. That was cool. Reigns came back in and ran wild. The crowd booed. Loudly. Triple H entered at #30, because, really, who didn’t see that coming? He came out to “The Game” instead of “King of Kings,” for whatever reason. JBL said they were down to five, with six men still in the ring. Sheamus and Triple H eliminated Bray. I have no idea why Bray didn’t keep the rest of the Wyatt Family out there with him. Seems to me he would have won had he done that. Ambrose eliminated Jericho to get the match down to Reigns, Triple H, Sheamus, and Dean Ambrose. Reigns eliminated Sheamus, then Triple H eliminated Reigns, thus becoming the biggest babyface in the company to this crowd.

Finish: Ambrose got Triple H onto the apron. Triple H body dropped Ambrose out of the ring and won.

So Triple H vs. Reigns is going to headline WrestleMania. The company employs Bryan Danielson, PAC, Kevin Steen, El Generico, KENTA, Prince Devitt, Uhaa Nation, Jon Moxley, Samoa Joe, Austin Aries, and AJ Styles (I didn’t forget about Tyler Black or Claudio Castagnoli – they’re injured at the moment), and they’re rumored to be bringing in Shinsuke Nakamura, and that’s the match they’re going with. Screw this company. As far as the match itself goes – too many run-ins, the finish sucked, and the rest of it was just okay.

-★★★½

Overall: Owens and Ambrose were great. The tag match was fine. The U.S. Title and Divas Title matches were kind of meh. The rumble –well, that was disappointing. Again. Three years in a row now. Yeah, I really want to keep giving this company some mystery sum of money every month.

★¾

Twitter: @KSchroeder2325

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com